Comic 1 The two lead characters laying in bed... Type written in blocks, over the scene: This is a comic about impowerment. This is a comic about women, their rights, and their struggle for integrety. Then, we remembered this was going out over the internet... *someone shouts "ZERG RUSH!" off screen* You get what you pay for. *group of Asians running in, shouting "KEKEKEKE!"* Comic 2 Tristain, alone, in a room tinkering with some random parts. Alarm goes off. Oh great, another bounty...how do I turn this alarm off again? Tristain tries checking the alarm, can't find a lever Tries bashing it with a hammer, hammer flies off Tries using a chainsaw, chainsaw breaks Tries shooting it, the shot bounces off, hits the wall, and causes an explosion, making a hole in the side of the ship Everything is sucked out of the room Dragging himself on the ground, he makes his way out. Now, see, THAT'S why I' was hired for this whole Technical Engineer job! Piece of cake! Comic 3 Tristain and Sami go walking into the cabin. Alright Sami, the signal came from sector Alpha 7, set a course. Right! I'll just activate the hyperspace drive, we'll be there in no time! No, wait, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Why not? *explosion* *couple panels of silence as they look at each other, a little dirt on their face.* Yeah...that would be why. Comic 4 Great...well, go and fix it. Oh, yes, sure, I'll go fix the intricately complex workings of an intergalactic hyperspace drive. Sure thing, I'll be on it in a jiffy. Oh, but I have to fix that hole in the side of the ship before it'd even work anyway! There's a hole in the side of the ship? Look, woman. If you don't keep up on current events we're not going to get anywhere. You made a hole in the side of the ship?! Oh calm down. It's nothing a hammer and a little metal can't fix. *a little while later.* Tristain and goth girl are standing outside the door. Ok, on the counter of three Ciere, I'm going to open the door, and we'll throw these bits of metal in, and stop up the hole, alright? Thank you for reminding me why I hate humanity. Let's get this sham over with so I can go back to habits that actually get me somewhere, like cutting my arm and writing bad poetry... Comic 5 Back in the cabin, with Sami and Tristain So, you fixed it? Let's just say that I did. So you didn't. It's currently in a state of fixing, if I were to do something now it'd disrupt the whole flow of things. So, what are we going to do about the hyperspace drive? Well, if we temporarily disengage the magnetic containment manifold, we could reroute tertiary power through the redundant SZG system to the tachyonic core... *blank look* Would that fix it? No, but it DOES sound like a cool idea. Or we could push it. Yes, Sami. Pushing a space ship 3 million light years is a BRILLIANT idea, yes, let me get right on that. Comic 5-B *Tristain goes to the engine room, stares at engine, taps feet. Takes out his wrench, goes up to the core. puts wrench up to a bolt, starts to turn. Stops. Stares. Throws wrench over shoulder. Walks out.* *Picture of Tristain outside of ship, pushing VERY hard against the ship and grunting* Comic 6 Tristain still pushing against the side of the ship. Ok, only 2.9 light years to go...I can make it... Inside, in the engine room. I don't know what's wrong with the engine...it just won't go. Even the auxilery thrusters are broken. You know Kirin, back home we have a saying, "machines only need two things. duct tape and a swift kick." Option one is out, so let's go for two! *Sami delivers a severe kick to the engine* Outside *Tristain still pushing, grunting* *small whiirr noise is heard, Tristain looks around confusedly* *engines roar back to life* YES! THEY'RE FIXED! I knew if I just got the ship moving it'd jumpstart it back to life, now to...wait... *ship flies away from him* HEY WAIT! COME BACK! I SAVED YOUR LIVES DAMNIT, AND IF YOU DON'T COME BACK I SWEAR I'LL TAKE THEM AWAY! Comic 7 Tristain floats around for a couple panels, sees something far away. A ship approaches, and he thinks he's saved, then he sees the name of the enemy ship written on it. Damnit...of all the people I can be saved by, it has to be those asshats...oh well, saved is saved. The ship pulls up, and a door opens before Tristain. Cail is standing there in full robot suit and a glass dome over his head, arm stretched out. Come on, take my hand. I'll pull you in. A few panels are spent as Tristain gets himself towards Cail, their arms nearly reach each other, then Cail draws back. Hah! You dumb bastard. That's for Alpha C-9! Door slams shut, Tristain bounces off door, ship blasts off. Tristain kicks and swings at the air. Damnit! Why didn't I throw in a plasma grenade while the door was open?! Dumb dumb dumb stupid stupid stupid! Comic 8 A box in the corner of the frame notes that it's an hour later. The hero's ship comes floating back into view, the door opens, and someone drags Tristain back in. Medical office, Meria is looking over him. Oh, you're awake. Yourr life support was failing. I was able to raise your body temperature. It's a good thing your oxygen tank didn't let out, or I'd be doing an autopsy rather than talking to you right now. Ah, well that's good to hear. I programmed the suit to maintain only those key functions needed to sustain life under emergencies. Alright, lean back and relax, I have one last test to perform Meria begins to undo his pants. Whoa, wait. Now look here, I check that this morning, and it was working just fine. But we don't know what the cold space did to it! We must check it. Alright, just make it quick. No problem, just let me prepare my tools, and I'll get this underway. A few panels go by with Tristain laying there with his eyes closed, we only see him from the chest up. Then, his eyes pop open. Hey stop right there! I know exactly where that mouth of yours has been, and I don't appreciate that! Comic 9 Set in the bridge. Tristain walks in. Alright, so since I've been blacked out and nearly raped by Hello Whorey back there, how far have we gotten? It's been smooth sailing so far, just another few minutes and we should be- *alarms go off* FUCK! Status report! The hyperdrive's gone out. I'm diverting all power to the main drive, hold on. *several panels of the ship swirving around violently.* It's no good! There's something dragging on the right side of the ship! *panel with the ship, hole fully expose again. Comes back, everyone's looking at Tristain* Hey, anybody could have blown a hole in the ship that could potentially cause us all to die a horrible death in deap space. I'm sure we've all done it once or twice. Nobody's perfect. Comic 10 Deap jungle setting. A couple small fuzzy animals look up at the sky. The ship comes hurtling down at the planet. The ship crash lands on top of one of the small furries nose first. The animals look on in wonder. The door opens with Meria standing behind it. The animals all instantly go into shock and run off. Gee, I wonder what was up with that. . . . That [animal] was enjoying it as much as I was, I swear to God. ...That... Thank you for that, I'm... Yeah, I'm going over here now. Comic 11 all electricity is currently out. It'll take me at least three weeks to fix all the circuits. Alright, the rest of us will go scavage the land for any sign of humanity. Hold it right there. I have a hyperdrive to fix, a hole the size of Meria's vagina to fix, and I have to bring back electricity to the main core. I can't do this alone, I'll need a helper. Oh alright fine. I'll leave you one helper, which will leave three of us to check on the alien planet. I can't help but think this feels a little forced though. Whatever. Just hurry up and choose your travel party. *RPG select-a-character menu* Comic 12 Alright. Me, Kirin, and Meria are off. No way. What's the big deal? You mean, I have to stay here and work with Tristain for an indefinite ammount of time until you return? That's about it. There will be a lot of angry poetry on your door when you return. Fine by me. Alright guys, let's get going. You're risking certain angsty passive agression! That's a risk I'll just have to take. *shot of the other three walking off* *in the background* PASSIVE AGGRESSION I SAY Comic 13 We've been walking all day...I can't take anymore. Nightfall's coming, and we haven't even found a single sign of life...I guess right here's as good a place as any to spend the night. Thank God. My feet are killing me. *cast takes a seat, in sort of a triangle formation* So...what do we do now? Well...we are in the middle of nowhere...no one to see us... And? *Meria cat-like slinks over towards Sami* Well, I was just thinking we could.... *Meria pounces on Sami, and kisses her.* *Sami eventually looks up, pulls back* Jesus christ, what is that?! It's just a banana in my pocket, I swear! Nono, that! *over in the bushes, a skeleton is sitting there, looking about as lustful as a skeleton can look* Booooooooobs! Comic 14 God damned timing, all day long no undead, no giant monsters, no evil warlocks trying to take over the world, and the MOMENT I try to get my groove on, BAMMO! He's coming, hold on I'll take care of this one. *Kirin clasps her hands. Do it however you want, pull off some sort of fire attack, and the zombie falls over. More zombies come out from the bushes behind it. There's no way we can take all of these! *By subtle use of deux ex machina, a zombie is cleft in twain. A dashing man with a sword slightly larger than Kirin's appears* Quick, follow me! *Running, followed by zombies. As they run, he trips a stone, which opens a door in the side of a mountain that was previously unseen. They all run in, and the door closes behind them.* Comic 15 Just what the hell is going on? *use severral visuals to supplement his story, if you want...* Not very long ago, a man named Xeranthis came to this once quaint little planet. At first he was a blessing. He made our crops grow. He made it rain when we wanted. But we ran out of money to pay for his services. We gathered a great debt under his name. When we didn't pay it, he swept through and killed off all who stood in his way with his unholy magic. The land was so befowled by his magic that those who died fed on the energy and regained conciousness as his slave. Now, we must fight our own brothers off just to live. No one has come to save us, they must think us all lost. Well consider yourselves saved! Tristain and Caile are back on our ship right now doing repair work! In less than three weeks we should all be saved! By the gods! This is good luck indeed! We merely have to wait here and be saved from this wretched planet. I hate to burst your bubble, but how do we know he's going to be able to fix it? Hell, how do we even know the zombies haven't gotten to him yet? We only have hope...*with a sigh* I wonder if they're allright... *meanwhile on the ship* Either... Three Jacks. J'ACCUSE! Or... You sank my battleship! If I can't kill you outright, I can at least kill your spirit by beating you in your precious games... Comic 16 Alright, fine, you win. I bow down to you and your mighty ship sinking abilities. Yeah...uh...hey, Tristain? Yeah? I was just uh...kind of thinking, I don't think you've ever seen my room, you know. How would you like to stop by? I'll show you some art...it'll be fun. I uh...that is...right there's not enough ellipses for this conversation. Maybe tomorrow, alright? Yeah...ok. *Tristain walks away* *sigh* I tried... Comic 17 *Ciere, in her room* Ok, fine, I tried my best, right? I should just give up, Tristain is just a fucking prick... *picks up a picture of Tristain amongst pictures of the rest of the cast ...a cute...fucking...prick...hrmn. *Ciere reaches below the picture into her nightstand, where it's obvious she's reaching for some long thin thing* Comic 18 *Tristain walking back to his room* She just wanted to talk...why did I walk away? It's not like she's going to randomly pounce me and ravage me...unless she's been talking to Meria again... *devil pops up on one shoulder* What are you doing here? I'm here to tell you that you should go back to her room, you dumb shit. She's a girl, you're a guy, it happens! *Tristain looks at his other shoulder* Where's the other guy? He said you're a fucking pussy and went back to watching the game. This...really explains so much about me. Comic 19 Fine, here goes nothing *panel of Tristain putting his hand on the door* *about 60% of the comic should be this last panel. I'm thinking all we see are Ciere's legs up in the air, and Tristain standing in the doorway with his jaw dropped to the floor.* Oh...dear sweet Jesus...... *bold, dripping* OH GOD! *panel of Tristain on the other side of the door, face in some sort of exaggeration of shock/disbelief/etc* *Tristain's angel/devil conscience somewhere in front of the TV* I told you. Comic 20 Two weeks later... and then it turns out she had a penis. Oooooh. *random person breaks in the room.* Sir, I'm afraid the zombies have infiltrated the perimeter, what shall we do? Stand fast! We must hold back against The Zombie Menace! Uh... What? Well...it's the name sir. I mean, I think zombies about to burst down your door is more than a menace, don't you think? It's a FUCKING NAME. Are you going to tell me you're so picky you will actually belittle things based on name alone? Well...yeah, it fucking sucks. I have a wonderful idea. *next panel has a picture of Random being tossed out the door infront of a bunch of zombies who have big !s over their heads* Comic 21 *Zombies come in in Thriller getup* ...if you were trying to get in my pants earlier by spiking the punch, Lain, you could have just asked... Fools, are you that blind! They're using coreography now, they will surely take us all! Right, take us all out to a nice Thai joint and ask us about where we got our shoes. No! Don't you understand! Truly, this is a formation that is inpregnable. Their tight formation leads to a wall of enemies. Their movements are perfectly timed in synch to each other so no motion is wasted, and no conflicting attack occurs. It is indeed quite similar to a doughnut. When you eat a doughnut, it crumbles around the edges of the bite. Their will is to take a bite out of us, and therefor a splinter to the group. Truly, if we are assaulted as such, our defenses will fall by an exponential rate, leaving us quite vulnerable to the coup de grace if you will. It surely is inevitable. *aside* Zombies eat brains...don't they? Hrrmn... Comic 22 What we need is a plan. Wait...before, the zombies would not attack you when the two of you were making out, right? That's...ah... That's it! Something about lesbianism must hold them at bay! Isn't there... For the sake of all of our lives, the two of you must make out as vigerously as possible. Hey uh I don't know if I... *Lain shaking Sami* VIGEROUS LESBIAN MAKE-OUT SESSION! I'm guessing you haven't been Lain in a while, huh? Gee, that joke didn't get funny in middle school at all, hurry up with the fondling we ain't got all day. Comic 23 What's with you guys? You were making out like high schoolers behind the strairway the other day. First off, the mood's kind of broken and uh...you saw us making out? No time to explain! Come on! Something feels wrong about this...do you have any candles, maybe? Potpurri? Drastic times call for drastic measures, you'll have to excuse me but... *Lain pushes Meria into the midst of Zombies. Zombies do the ! thing. Think of what happens to Link when he comes across zombies here... Sami/Kirin/Lain have various odd facial expressions. Meria comes back, looking...worn.* I usually at least get candies and flowers first. Zombies are really inconsiderate. *Zombies sitting around, half sitting around smoking a cigerette, half fast asleep with a large grin...if you can get a zombie to grin.* Comic 24 Holy crap. You subdued all of them. Impressive work, Meria. How'd you do it? Well, though I'm a trained medical surgeon, I also studied the ancient arts of sexual healing in T'thmarie. Basically, my love is so incredibly strong that anyone in the presence of it is slowly healed. Of course, zombies being undead react badly to healing arts, so they're crippled. Wow...holy enchanted vagina... You have the best vagina ever, Meria! I never get tired of hearing that.