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 | |  Truly a fitting title if there ever was one
Posted on Tuesday 9Aug05, at 12:06 am. | | |
In today's update, we have THIS THING. What is THIS THING? I don't know, I wrote this out about two hours before Kyle even finished the fucking comic! Isn't that WONDERFUL boys and girls?
I may or may have not mentioned this before, but I'm a fan of caffeine products. Like any self-respecting nerd of my calibur, I enjoy the Mountain Dew. I never knew it was a social problem enjoying Mountain Dew and Cheetohs, and dwelling in basements, but appearently it is. Now, I just need a black light, a cloak, and a Led Zepplin album. Nothing against Led Zepplin, but I have not smoked nearly enough marijuana in my lifetime to enjoy their trippy dippy song stylings. Yes, I do listen to Pink Floyd, and no that does not make me a hypocrit.
I have a thing for the starshmucks. I know, I know, it's totally overpriced fluff. But it's TASTY overpriced fluff. I highly recommend, if you get a change, the new green tea frappucino. Every time I go I can't help but notice that I am generally surrounded by underage preppy white girls. What is it about this place that is such a draw?
Actually, while we're on these underage preppy little girls, let me ask you all something, something I have REALLY needed clearing up lately. What's up with the people who hate emo music wearing the emo look? You know, the well kept but purposefully shabby looking hair. The “I don't give a damn about what I wear but this shirt that's half ripped cost be $60” kids.
Now, a person is NOT defined by what they wear. If I put on a polo t-shirt, I do not become a douchebag, I am just wearing a douchebag's uniform. But, you are treated a certain way if you wear certain things. If I wear a long black trenchcoat, middle-aged white people will flee from me. If I wear the emo look, people will give me prozac. That's how it works. So, why dawn the outfit of someone you're not? Just because MTV plays the music does not mean you must be a social whore, last I checked.
PLEASE, if you're one of the emo kids, don't whine to me that they stole your look purely because MTV brainwashed them into thinking it's the cool thing to do. Your opinion is invalid, because you're too close to the source. Besides, you're an emo kid, so your opinion was already discounted 25% anyway.
Oh right, I digressed from my point. Isn't that lovely? Ok, so I got some of this Black Black gum that the internet nerds who enjoy the caffeinated lifestyle like me talk about. Please, don't buy Black Black. It tastes like shit, it really does. This coming from somebody who drinks Red Bull religiously, a beverage known for making those who don't expect the taste to ask “who just gave me a can of bubble cold piss?”
While it DOES give a lot of caffeine in a kick, I can't recommend it. There are so many better ways to get caffeine.
Actually, while on the subject of caffeine, I must relate something. Do not drink expired Crunk. The results, though entertaining, are dangerous. Me and Sterling split a can of this horrid cross between jolly ranchers, kool aid, and cold robotussin. Afterwards I was laughing for about an hour solid, and Sterling was walking like he was drunk. I do not know what fermenting Crunk does to the chemical balance of this drink, but it was obviously not mean for human beings. We damn near scared the hell out of Shane when he picked us up. I find people parent's do not take kindly to walking up to their sons and going “Dude, you have GOT to try this shit!” It makes them nervous.
Since I am going to be out of town for a week, and I will be pre-writing the rants for the next few days, I'll make this rant even longer than normal by talkng about one more thing. I yet again exploited my friends at the local movie theatre by seeing “The Dukes of Hazard.” This is a movie that can be dangerous for your mental health if not prepared. I suggest the following course of action.
The day before you go, spend the entire day sitting infront of the TV watching Nascar. Be sure to understand the fundamentals of the left turn. Be sure to bring with you a six pack of Miller High Life, best dispursed by way of beer hat, and a bag of pork rinds. If you see a woman, grab her ass, and ask if she has a sister as pretty as she is.
Now you got the idea? GIT-R-DONE, THAT'S RIGHT! It kind of hurt to watch this movie. People across the country are going to look at this movie and say “Wow, so that's Georgia?”
I uh...I so want to say it's not. I want to move my fingers, and talk about how Atlanta is a cultural melting pot. We have the High Museum of Art, the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra, and what we like to call “Ted Turner's Playground”. All of this does not make Jeff Foxworthy any less funny to the residents. Live here long enough, and you will surely see every “You MIGHT be a redneck if...” joke come to life. Maybe twice.
That being said, it's not a bad movie actually. There are some pretty funny scenes even. What REALLY steals the show however is the driving. There are some impressive drift turns in this movie, and cars magically fly as if they have been sprinkled with fairy dust and are thinking happy thoughts. I'm always happy to see actual crazy driving. Nothing makes me happier than a really really good cop chase with big collisions and stuff, and this movie pays off. It's not Blues Brothers, but then nothing ever has been and nothing ever will be.
The downside, you have to put up with Jessica Simpson. A role that calls for the “girl next door” style bombshell instead is taken by a waxed figurine of a blow-up doll. I admit, the times she was on screen, I was not able to get a good grasp of her acting performance, as I do believe her breasts come fully equiped with a hyp-no-beam aimed directly at males between the ages of thirteen and fucking corpse dead. Hell, the camera often goes out of its way to CENTER on her massive displays of proof that God does actually exist. I did still get the feeling that her acting was shallow and not very funny. I also was a little confused as how I take what is supposed to be bronze skin looks more...orange. Orange is not the colour of a healthy tan. Orange is a fruit. I also did look up once or twice to notice that her forehead has been botoxed so much it doesn't actually move anymore. All of this disturbs me greatly.
I'll be preparing some rants for Thursday and next Tuesday. Hopefully I will be around and I won't have to use these, but I don't know what sort of internet the casino I will be staying at offers, if any at all. Remember, money is the root of all evil, so do yourselves a favour and let us take care of your evil for you. We like evil, it buys us booze pornography and narcotics, or as we like to call it, “inspiration.” | |
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I never comment or e-mail authors or anything like that...
but don't you dare think you're allowed to stop updating this comic just 'cause you feel like you're not reaching someone.
'sa bit late...but you seriously had me crying that one day...T_T
As for the caffeine bit...eh, I don't drink caffinated drinks anymore...I only say that because I have some odd compulsion to prove that I read your little blurb.
Heck, to be completely honest? I don't even know what this little box is for, I'm just guessing! ^^;
Now...I guess I'm done with my completely and totally pointless rant to a person (people) I've never met before so...er...I'm gonna shut up now. | |
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Yes, it's the e'er loveable Ender once again, putting in my two cents even though Gods know it was never asked for.
I think you hate me as much as the Universe, but oh well.
Firstly, caffiene is awesomeness. It is the life force of those who stay up late doing absolutely nothing save play video games and other meaningless things. I'm not saying playing video games is meaningless, but it doesn't do much for actual life. Sucks for reality. I prefer Dr. Pepper though, and it has about as much caffiene, so it works. Stop judging me, or I'll take out your fuggin' knees.
Now to clothing! Yes, people are typically shallow and see clothing as defining the person. I am currently in a place I unfondly call the hellhole where I am a tool for the US government, and when I wear my trenchcoat, people try making snide comments mostly referencing...!
Columbine and The Matrix.
Idiots piss me off. I swear if I had any weaponry, there'd be a bodycount closing towards the thousands because that's how many douchebags are here. That's slightly off subject though.
So! Yes, Emo kids have no right to complain that their clothing is being marketed. Neither does anyone else, and if you don't like it, don't buy your shit from Hot Topic. Also! Paying 70 for a haircut that looks like you don't take care of your hair is stupid. The money could be much better used, like sending it to me so I can get pot. You know how hard it is to get pot when you're on Federal Property? It pisses me off!
In finality, I have no intention of seeing The Dukes of Hazzard. Ever. It doesn't strike me as a good movie. If I had a basement, I'd live there, and I demand money for booze and pot. I don't need pornography because unlike others, I actually have a steady source of ass at hand. Almost literally. She's smart, she's gorgeous, and she plays VGs with me. Stare for what I consider too long and I'll take out your throat with my bare hands.
And I don't make idle threats. Hear??!!
Ender | |
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| | Hey look, I get to use this weird thing for a change.
Posted on Wednesday 10Aug05, at 4:52 am. by an anonymous mook | |
Well, let's look at the following things, in reply to Ender:
1) Dr. Pepper: I dig the pepper, but I can get more caffeine out of straight tea, so I'm more likely to drink that. I hold to this day that the greatest sin against man is Diet Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper.
2) People who define themselves strictly along a particular line can bite me.
3) "Bleed Like Me" might be the worst title for any album ever. I'm sorry Shirley, but if I ever bleed like you, I might just question some things.
4) Aw, why would I hate you? Just because you make idle threats? Pfft, if I hated everyone who threatened my life I'd be pretty lonely. | |
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oh uh, that last post was by me, me being Kite. Totally.
That thing for email is there for a reason! | |
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| | Ooooooh-kay....
Posted on Monday 15Aug05, at 9:43 pm. by botkid@aol.com | |
Ender-chill out, and lie down before you hurt yourself.
Mook-I hear you, man. It's diet, it has no caffeine. Sooo...what exactly DOES it have in it? Effing jack shit, that's what.
I rest my case. And my ass in my chair for the next 5 hours. Screw sleep. Pass the Dr. Pepper and Fruit Roll-Ups, my brothers and sisters in voluntary insomnia!
Peace. | |
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© Hite & Shaezer.
Applicable material © DG
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