|
 | |  DUMB! DEAR GOD, DUMB!
Posted on Saturday 21Jan06, at 2:09 am. | | |
As promised, an update. We updated, we got an update already for Monday, we're good. And, after all that, we end the Ciere and Jeff arc. Whee.
So, I have been running around for the last few minutes, shouting DUMB at anyone who came close to me. Why? It's been building, oh yes, it has been building.
First, I saw Bloodrayne recently. I knew it was going to be stupid, don't get me wrong. But I had a hope. I had one hope. I was to understand Meatloaf (the actor) was in this movie. A scene with both Meatloaf, and titties. I figured, there had to be at least one good scene. A wonderful scene with Meatloaf and titties.
NO! This whole movie was terrible! What's really awful is, the movie gave me no emotion. Absolutely nothing. I could feel absolutely nothing for this movie. I just sat there, watching, hoping for something good.
Then they killed the titties, they killed Meatloaf, and we left. I have never walked out of a movie. Let me tell you something, my friends love terrible movies. Zack's favourite movie is Starship Troopers. I love They Live. We're bad movie enthusiasts. This just sucked all joy and happiness out of our lives, and we were glad to see it was pushed out of the theatre in less than a week. We have procured the standee from the movie, and we are going to shoot it with as much ammunition as possible.
After that, I watched Firefly. It uh...wasn't that bad, I guess. I feel bad saying that was the best movie I have seen recently. It was uh...mediocre. No really good space battles. The plotline wasn't really interesting. Things seemed to happen for no good reason other than it fit with the movie. I don't know, I didn't feel much for it.
Then, today, I watched Underworld Evolution. I have, officially, been inundated with dumb. Fucking dumb dumb oh my god dumb. The action was great, the chick was hot, there were guns. This should be great, right? Not really.
First off, they kept making these new combo races. It reminded me of DBZ, it really did. Ok, so if we fuse this vampire with that werewolf, we'll get uh...cheese? I don't know. How do you beat a twinked out bad guy? Twink yourself out more! Wonderful!
As well, the movie featured what had to be THE most awkward sex scene. Naughty bits just barely covered whilst obvious grinding action was going on. I haven't been witness to such a strange placement of gratuitous fucking since Matrix Revolution.
All of this combined. It's broke me. I walk the street, wondering if good movies are even possible anymore. I honestly feel like less of a man for having seen this vile garbage. I have lost all hope for new cult movies.
You hear that Hollywood? You've ruined me. I am now less of a man than I once was. | |
|  |
| | Thank God I haven't seen BloodRayne.
Posted on Saturday 21Jan06, at 2:21 am. by an anonymous mook | |
From the moment I saw the commercial I knew that movie was bad news. | |
| |
| |
A not on Serenity: you'll understand it more once you see Firefly (the series which got cancelled). Although you'll either like it or not.
It's not meant to be a whole star-trekkie type show, but rather well...I don't know. Anyways, I love it :) | |
| |
| |
ok, I meant note...where's the edit box on this thing? | |
| |
| |
Edit box? You assume too much of Dom.
- Comic | |
| |
| | You waited until you saw the commercial?
Posted on Sunday 22Jan06, at 6:01 am. by an anonymous mook | |
Hell, I knew Bloodrayne would be awful when I found out Uwe Boll was directing it. I think someone needs to do some serious research into why video game companies keep giving him the rights to their intellectual property. He's 0 for 3 right now, and yet he just keeps going (he's working on Dungeon Siege now). | |
| |
| |
Posted on Sunday 22Jan06, at 7:13 am. | | |
Since I can't really do anything for him, I wanted to note here that our good friend and constant reader Comic is a good year older, and an awesome person, so wish him a happy day of birth. He's fucking awesome, he deserves at least that much.
Also...on the topic of Uwe Boll, do you know he dared to compare himself to George Remiro? I should fucking shoot him in the face, if only for that. | |
| |
| |
God, I HATE this guy. Worst thing is, he also has the rights to Far Cry. *Cringe* I was also utterly disappointed with Underworld: Evolution. I went to see it with my girlfriend a few days ago, and the sucktitude blew me away. Also, I heard three cell phones go off, a bunch of young children screaming (who brings a little kid to a movie like that?), some guy was TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE RIGHT NEXT TO ME for a moment shortly after the beginning of the movie, and the theater erupted in applause at the end of the last fight scene. FUCKING APPLAUSE. Really, it wasn't some damn concert, you don't applaud during a fucking MOVIE. That was hands-down my worst movie-going experience EVER. I am SERIOUSLY glad I hadn't yet saved up for that SigArms Mosquito .22LR I've had my eye on, I may have seriously shot someone. Probably the guy next to me, the one who was talking on his cell phone.
God-dammit, I should have gone to the screening of FFVII Advent Children at that theater in Clearwater. It would have kicked ass, my girlfriend would have loved it, and since it was in one of those little artsy theaters, there wouldn't have been any cell phones or bratty kids. | |
| |
| | |
|
© Hite & Shaezer.
Applicable material © DG
|
